I like to think that I am open to new experiences, new places, new people and situations but, sometimes, the newness is hindering. Sometimes there is a nagging inner voice that hangs over the reality of attaining the confidence to enjoy all the new. It likes to show these opportunities not as blessings, but as snakes crossing an otherwise floral lined cobblestone terrace. A hinderance. An eyesore in the work of daydreams. Sometimes I do nothing, because it is easier than trying that new thing and it not working out. I.e., me not being good enough. That sultry snake is fear and she can be quite the home wrecker, can’t she.
During the adrenaline rush, or it could have been caffeine taking over my bloodstream, I experienced while writing down what I wanted this year to look like, I suddenly panicked. Many of these things were tangible, realistic, even attainable. What occurred to me that this list I am claiming to want can only occur if I choose to say, “yes.”
We know it well and use it often but having “good intentions” means nothing. In fact for my holy folk out there, we know those good intentions to be the paved road leading to hell. That is no image to take lightly. All of the things you were going to do, wanted to do, meant to do if time allowed are just words. It is acts that move mountains.
Fear slithers back into view as putting this all into perspective means that I will have to say, Yes, I will attend that class to learn that skill I believe I want to have. Yes, I will book the flight even thought I feel guilty about the money or skip the laundry to read out loud to my children. But even more than that, yes, I will let myself off the hook. Yes, I will seize the day and not fret over my attempts looking foolish. Yes, I will be bold and do it anyway, even if there is a chance I may fail.
#16 became, Say Yes as often as you are able.
So fast forward to a friend approaching me with a new experience. Surprised? I wasn’t. Ask and you shall receive. The catch? You have to actually believe what you are asking is meant for you in order to receive. So I asked for new experiences and opportunities and she asked if I was open to seeing an Angel Reader.
For the record, I did not even know what an Angel Reader was when she asked and that became all the more reason for me to agree. She explained that she reads your cards, but only looks at the light and can receive messages from your angles or loved ones who have passed.
I showed up to a house that I have never been to before, filled with strangers, alone. The friendly faces I was planning to met up with were unable to attend so I was feeling a little uneasy. I knew it was all well and good when after a few minutes of sitting, legs crossed, nervously bobbing my leg up and down, a little boy, about three years old, climbed onto said bobbing leg, grabbed my hands and produced to enjoy his ride upon the imaginary horse. I was right at home.
The anxiety leading up to my turn was worse than watching my 8-year-old on the uneven bars, flipping around like falling isn’t an option. However, the feeling of absolute clarity, following the reading confirmed 2017 as the year of the yes.
Kristen was her name and she knew more things about me that some of my family members. Her most powerful observation? Declaring she could feel that I was stuck, frozen even, due to fear and worry. She wasn’t wrong. “Focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want and things will start working out,” she said. “When a negative thought or something enters your brain and it is not what you want from your day, or your life, speak up and tell the universe, ‘that is not for me,’ and move on.”
Simple enough right? You don’t like carrot cake, I offer you carrot cake, you say, no thanks, that is not for me. Same goes for the universe making me worry night after night about the townhouse we own, in another state, that hasn’t sold. Or the fact that I might fail at my new ventures or even worse that I’m currently failing at all of it. At life. I’ve been known to be a little bit too hard on myself.
This was solidified during the reading when Kristin got a message from my Pappy, my Mom’s dad, who died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was in high school. It took a toll on our family because it destroyed our mother and we loved him very much. He was a man of very few words, but he took the time to make them count and so they carried a weight greater than many others in my life. His message, Kristin said, was “Tell her she is too hard on herself and to knock it off! She’s doing a great job. Isn’t she beautiful, isn’t she beautiful…”
So many things were shared, discussed, revealed, released and embraced during this new experience and I left with clearer vision and a deep desire to protect my own light so that I am able to use it be a blessing to others.
I am new to the world of parallel healing and before this I may have even viewed it as the snake, but we have to open and believe in order to receive and I know that those messages were meant for me.
Namaste, my friends.