Those of you that know Team Csordas well, are familiar with this story. For those of you that are new to the craziness, I feel it is important to paint a little background picture of a time when life upped the chaos ante and forced our family to understand the importance of building our village.
My husband has always been somewhat of a patriot. Ok, I guess “somewhat” is probably not the transparent truth. He drives a massive red pick up truck with the pledge of allegiance tattooed on the back window, I’ll let you decide the right level of patriot as you factor that shiny detail into this retelling.
For as long as I can remember, he has talked about a feeling he had, a calling, if you will, to serve our country. For him it wasn’t specific enough to feature a branch of service or a particular civic duty he was being told to perform. It was an unsettling sensation, as it often is when we feel nudged to make a detour on the path before us, that was stronger at times but never really dissipated. He was stuck in limbo, the land of unmade decisions.
The definition of insanity is, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting difference results. The wife, friend, supporter and partner in me was going insane. We would have the same conversation over and over again. Should or Shouldn’t I? We made T-squares of pros and cons. We were careful to understand all the of the sacrifices that went into a decision of this magnitude, not only for my husband, but for myself and our family. Simply because we are human, we were fearful of the unknown and therefore afraid of change. We are worried about what taking a leap into the “what if’s” would do and how it would shake up the little box we reside in, the one we have made into a comfy life.
I can be honest in saying that I don’t recall many details about the day that I decided enough was enough. I just remember looking at my husband and saying. Ok, the time has come. You either need to go enlist or we need to stop talking about it. Harsh or not, it was a moment that changed us. After years of deliberation, it was like a weight was lifted in simply making a decision.
indecisiveness is like a fancy blazer, made of lead. You put it on as a comfort and yet, it wears on you. When you model it for extended periods of time, sometimes the weight of it forces you to rest, to sit still and pushes you into a ball of your own self-doubt; head down, casting a shadow on the dreams that could illuminate your path if only you shed the uncertainty and made a choice.
A choice was made and we became an Army Strong family.
But, my friends, that’s not all. Two weeks after swearing-in, we found out we were unexpectedly expecting our fourth child. The timeline of boot camp, training and OCS was 12 months long and fell over the anticipated birthday of this baby. Timing is so incredible, whether good or bad, a blessing or a curse, timing can make or break every situation.
In this case, it was a breaking point.
I envisioned what the next 12 months would look like and it wasn’t pretty, but it was survivable and that is just what we did, survived.
Our littlest addition, and only son, was born on his Daddy’s birthday. A day when we received a much-anticipated phone call, one of only three during the entire 9 weeks at boot camp, (lets just say his platoon specialized in getting privileges taken away). While the entire year of single parenting remains a blur, there are a few sharp images that reply themselves when I force myself to recall these moments. I would like to share one with you.
The fourth labor and delivery was my most difficult. My body was tired, my soul ached for my biggest supporter to be there and hold my hand, my baby did not want to leave the womb. It was an induced act of eviction and the longer than all other three labors combined. My mom and friend, Kim, where by my side. Another friend, Emma, had our three girls, waiting anxiously for the news. During a rough patch where I was needing oxygen and trying to just stay with it, my phone rang. Kim yelled that it said HUBBY, and I yelled back to answer it! His platoon had won an event in training and was awarded phone time. He now knew that his son was on his way and that there was a good chance they would share a birthday, but his phone time was limited to 5 minutes and hanging up deflated me, and not in the sense that a baby came out of my uterus.
Hours passed, still nothing. Around 10pm that evening, the phone rang again. The drill sergeant had heard that I was in labor and let Alex leave the barracks after lights out to call and check on things. He stayed on speakerphone, coaching me, until he heard our little guy’s healthy lungs crying out.
It would be two weeks before he met Finn for the first time. After my best friend and the kids, ages 5,3,2 and newborn, and myself drove 10 hours to Ft. Benning, GA to attend his boot camp graduation. An event that was a decade in the making. For three days we were together before he would continue on to OSC for several more months.
We are still an Army family, as my husband is an Officer in the Reserves. While we have had some rough times, I think about so many other families that have had to sacrifice so much more. During this time I needed support, a village, it was no longer me against the world. The decision my husband made changed both of us and gave us a new sense of community, both within those who built us up and how we see opportunities to help others rise. This calling was so much more than serving as a solider in the United States Military. It called and recruited our own army, a village that is still the place we call home.
On this Throwback Thursday I want to thank my army, if you are reading this, please know you made a difference. Our survival through so many unexpected detours has been a result of your kindness, love and encouragement. You allowed us to stay strong.
Hooah /ˈhuːɑː/ Used by soldiers in the U.S. Army, military slang referring to or meaning “anything and everything except ‘no'”.